Walk on the Edge

Yesterday was a cancer care day that started with a blood test at 7am and ended at 6:30pm with a CT scan.  I spent a little over an hour with my oncology team ensuring that I was tolerating the side effects of my different chemotherapies.  After receiving two new prescriptions, I headed to bone scan prep and after several hours of waiting for my bones to absorb the radioactive dye, I feel asleep in the scanner.  The CT waiting room is large and L-shaped with a fish tank and several TVs.  I decided to sit in a sunny spot in a far corner away from the crowd to drink my glass of raspberry contrast dye. 

I was sleeping lightly when I heard her whimper; she was in a wheelchair pushed by a big cowboy and wrapped in several blankets so only her anguished cancer face peered out.  They settled several chairs behind me and at some point, she stopped her whimpers, but I could feel her eyes.  I slowly turned and as I did, I caught her smile as she looked directly at me and nodded.  I was in my Indiana Jones outfit, with the hat, leather jacket, and satchel.  You laugh, but yesterday as I walked through the internal medicine waiting room I noticed a thin man in a Dr. Seuss Cat in the Hat, hat. 

How do you walk on the edge of life?  I’ve learned wearing armor to shield myself from the fear and anxiousness of hours of tests and days waiting for results pushes me deep inside where negative self-talk turns nasty.  In my Indiana Jones outfit, I was ready for the adventure, open to all the emotions and willing to listen to the stories from other cancer survivors or caregivers.  As the CT tech called my name, I turned one last time to tip my hat to the women sitting in her wheelchair buried in blankets.  Slowly she raised her hand, smiled and cracked her imaginary whip – she understood what it means to walk on the edge of life, do you?   

Reenergize the WE

We are twelve days from launching OneConnect the new EHR system at MD Anderson, and our largest systems change in 70 years.  There is a mix of excitement and tension in the air creating the kind of “good stress” that moves individuals, teams, and great organizations forward.  George Everly has found in his resilience research with Navy Seals, that connectedness and support are the single most powerful predictors of individual and team resilience.  A successful launch at MD Anderson will take an all-out effort these last twelve days where connectedness and support reenergize the “we”.  How will you reenergize the “we” in your family or on your team today?  

Why develop a mindfulness practice?

Sacred Moments

This morning I woke in these mountains again, but it was snowing and a horse named wildfire was waiting across the frozen lake...

Blog 2-Years Ago Feb, 18^th

Today, I woke in the mid-80’s standing on a branch at the top of a 120-foot pine tree in Grass Valley, CA. It’s a bit like riding a gentle ocean wave, as the top sways with the hot wind. There are 15 of us in a Project Adventure training week, gaining insight into experienced-based learning, and ourselves. I step off into space and immediately feel the rope catch in the carabineer at my waist. I had rappelled out of helicopters in the Army, but never with a Navajo belaying my journey. My team is all Navajo schoolteachers, and I learned more about life and myself through them than our trainer. They taught me everything is sacred from the tiny bluebird to the majestic pine trees, and living with the sacred opens us up to each moment. Today, be open to sacred moments.

Don’t Take Life Moments for Granted

In my laughter yoga class today, I had several cancer survivors, caregivers, and also a grandma and her grandchild who were waiting for news about a daughter/mom.  Two of the participants were a couple where the man was the cancer survivor and had experienced five recurrences of cancer in different parts of his body.  At the end of the class, the man took off for the restroom and his wife and I had a chance to talk.  I told her, “Your husband appears to have a great attitude”, she told me, “He always has, and he just seems to be one of those individuals who has chosen to live life deeply never taking a day for granted”. 

Inside I could feel my smile grow as I thought he gets it, none of us can take a day or life moments for granted.  Maybe it was after the first bullet flew over my head in the Army that I realized tomorrow is not a given, but a hope!  My cancer journey has underlined the importance of living in a way that each life moment opens up and deepens the experience of living.  We are midway through February of 2016, are you still taking life moments for granted?  Don’t! 

Ever?

Ever watch a sunset when the sky is on fire and for just a moment wonder why?  Ever wake up early just to feel the fog, and be touched for life?  Ever catch a flower as she smiled with colors you knew you would never forget?  Ever become transfixed by clouds softly brushed by a midday sun, and let out a sigh?  Ever watch the moonrise and know the day had come to a good end?  Ever sit by a 100-year-old tree and marvel at the miracle of life?  These things so real to you and me are how we learn to breathe in life and live mindfully.  Be mindful today, for it will only come around once.     

Being - Doing - Autopilot

How was your Valentines?  Many lock their lives in autopilot as a coping strategy to keep distracted from life stress and the associated pain, anxiety and fear.  The problem with an autopilot life is it can drive heartless reactions, which are hard on relationships.  My hope is you turned your autopilot off for a bit this weekend.  Maybe you spent Valentines in your do mode, doing Valentines just right, but keeping your emotions at a safe distance.  I started the weekend in the do mode with a list of projects we have been trying to get started and by early Sunday afternoon, I had crossed several off my list.  From that point on I switched to “just being”, a place where I am fully connected, grounded, and open to the emotions Valentines brings.  MaryBeth and I enjoyed time together, and Auggie (dog) and I had some wonderful restful walks.  Were you being, doing, or on autopilot this Valentines?