Building Engaged Resilience

I’d started with a quote from Nepo’s new book, Endless Practice, and how life is not about arriving, but growing and engaging in being human.  With a mix of stories and the work of Bennett, Everly, Seligman, and Fredrickson, the talk followed a path from adaptation, resilience, thriving, to flourishing. I ended with, “What will you do different tomorrow to engage your resilience?”  Susan drove me back to the Detroit-Metro airport and by 5:15pm, the small twin-engine regional jet was in the air. 

Clouds covered the whole trip back, and as we started our decent into a rainy Houston, the turbulence increased.  Martha (92 years old) was sitting in the aisle seat, and headed for her great granddaughters high school graduation.  As the bumps got worse, I could feel her body lean towards me, as she was desperate to see out the window.  I gently took her closest hand, and just held it.  She took a deep breath and her calmness was almost immediate.  When we landed, she silently mouthed, “thank you”.  Today, engage in being human and grow.

Engaged Resilience

In preparation for my keynote to the MI Wellness Council, I’ve been reviewing the work of George Everly from Johns Hopkins who studied the resilient characteristics of Navy Seals, law enforcement officers, and children of the Great Depression.  These were all people who had coped with unfathomable challenging circumstances, and yet somehow came out the other side with their spirits and integrity intact.  Everly’s research found seven characteristics of highly resilient people:

• ·       Ability to think calmly under stress
• ·       Act decisively, once a decision is reached
• ·       Tenacity is essential
• ·       Connectedness and support which may be the single most powerful predictors
• ·       Doing what’s right or integrity ensures connections to others
• ·       Self-discipline and self-control
• ·       And, the final core characteristic, and upon which the other six rest is optimism and positive thinking. 

If you are like me, you started considering your personal strengths against these characteristics.  Right?  The good news, Seligman in his HBR article, Building Resilience (2011), tells us we learn to be resilient through life experience, and training that addresses these characteristics.  I can’t wait to start teaching some cancer survivorship classes around these characteristics.  Do you have some ideas for these classes you are willing to share?  Let’s talk!

Words Can Change Your Brain

Standing on our pier, watching the changing reflection of the clouds and trees, reminded me how much my self-talk affects how I feel about myself, and the world around me.  When diagnosed as a stage III cancer survivor my self-talk and view of me changed, but not profoundly.  This past year when my cancer moved to metastatic I instantly changed my life view and decided I would be a cancer “thriver”, not just a cancer survivor.  The key to this change has been my self-talk.  In the book, Words Can Change Your Brain, the authors describe how a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.  My daily wellness practices are core to my efforts to be a cancer thriver, but I’ve learned my resiliency is built one word at a time.

MD Anderson Caregiver Week

Monday, I taught a beading workshop to start the week of activities offered to caregivers and family members of patients to celebrate Caregiver Week.   Caregivers play a critical role in our health and long-term care systems, but the American Psychological Association reports the physical, psychological, and financial stressors they experience are significant.  When compared to non-caregivers, caregivers report increased physical ailments, higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.  Many report inadequate time for sleep, self-care, and other health related activities that leads to lower levels of well-being and life satisfaction. 

I told my class on Monday, “You can’t be a loving caregiver, unless you take care of yourself.” They made simple wooden bead bracelets of different color combinations as reminders of how important it is for them to stay anchored in positive self-care practices.  I watched a caregiver make a bracelet first for her husband a cancer survivor, who sat reading a newspaper.  When she finished the bracelet and put it on his wrist, he gave her a kiss with watery eyes, and then sat with her at the beading table and helped her make a bracelet for herself.  As they started to leave, he came back and said to me, “Thanks, I hadn’t realized how much she’d lost herself in my care.  When we finished her bracelet I saw and felt her old smile come back.” 

Take care of yourself today!

Touched by an Angels Wisdom

Precious
Never let you forgot his, specialness
He always had something to say
And if you didn’t listen, he’d just get louder

But there was a wisdom side
Of Precious,
I could feel it in his snuggle
Hear it in his purr

“Tell me                                           
What will you do today,
With this one  
precious day”

__________________________________________
Thanks Precious

Sprint for Life 2015 – Moments of Coming Alive

The 18th Sprint for Life 5K Run/Walk was this past Saturday. Why is it important? In 2015, 22,000 women will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and about 15,000 will die, making ovarian cancer the leading cause of death from gynecologic cancers. There is no screening or early detection test available, so only 25% of ovarian tumors are detected before they have progressed to an advanced stage. My pre-race job is the adult leader of a group of high school volunteers who put up all the banners. At race time I am at the start and finish line serving as the MC. Every year as I provide pre-race information I have to work past my initial tears as I yell out, “this event is about you and defeating ovarian cancer”! About the time, I get control of my tears the Star Spangle Banner is sung, and I can’t stop crying as I feel the emotion of the moment. Nipo tells us these moments of great openness are doorways to living more wholeheartedly, moments of authenticity and coming alive.

Where have all the Flowers Gone

Today, as I rode my bicycle over Brays Bayou Bridge I stopped to watch the almost full moon sink past the tree line into the bayou, and slowly wash away my tears.  I had waken to the soft sounds of “Where Have all the Flowers Gone”, a long forgotten song playing deep inside, and memories of standing by the Vietnam Memorial Wall, as its verses brought back memories and tears.  I had an amazing visit with my good friend Len yesterday, who always raises questions opening doors deep inside of me, growing my understanding of my humanity.  Where I’ve been, experiences I’ve shared, choices I’ve made, and how as Desmond Tutu so eloquently said, “My humanity it bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”  I hope you have a Len in your life!